Blessed Metal Grating
by Zaedah
Summary: Cold, blessedly cold metal grating chilled her bare feet.


Forgive the 'Dallas' moment here…But if we could avoid Doomsday altogether, wouldn't this world be a more chipped place?

**Blessed Metal Grating**

And then she woke up. Gasping for breath, Rose Tyler cast frantic eyes across the darkness. For a moment her dream-hazed mind failed to identify her surroundings. Wasn't there a window to the left? Where was the small teddy bear she'd begun sleeping with? Scanning harder, the triple beamed outer wall caught her gaze. This was her room… her room on the Tardis.

So quickly did she spring from the bed that the elementary concept of balance was left on the mattress. A knock on the head halted all forward progress, leaving her in a heap on the floor. Rose rubbed the sore spot on her head, a gift from the side table, and willed her brain to unfreeze. Visions of the last few days filtered through her mind; the cybermen, the daleks and torchwood. The breech. Oh God, the breech.

The Doctor closed the breech, sealing them on opposite sides of a parallel world. He was gone, lost to her and the ache in her heart surged anew, as it had each morning she woke in her parallel father's parallel house. But now here she was, on the Doctor's ship. Could he be…Fighting to get her legs under her, Rose prayed to every saint she could remember as she flew from the room. Familiar corridors greeted her, as did the soothing hum of the Tardis emanated from all sides. Cold, blessedly cold metal grating chilled her bare feet. And questions of her sanity arose with her pulse. Had the events leading to their separation really happened or was the nightmare of her recent existence been just that? Hurried feet lent a thumping echo to the metal floorboards. She needed answers and standing here provided none.

Along the way, her eyes scanned each room she passed. She realized she had never known where his room was located. This, however, had always been inconsequential as the alien never seemed to sleep. And she'd never had the courage to admit to him the real reason she'd wanted to know. It was one of several lines they did not cross, a truth made all the more painful while they were apart. Rose then considered stopping at the observatory, as he would sometimes retire there. Even the kitchen was a tempting side trip. But in the end, instinct told her that if the Doctor was indeed on board, he'd be in the control room. Slowing her pace as she neared her destination, Rose took a steadying breath before peering through the open doorway.

How many times had she strolled inside to find her Doctor tinkering with wires or plotting their next adventure? He'd usually known of her presence before she spoke, often before she'd even arrived. The Tardis communicated with him in ways she'd never understood, but found comforting. But there was no comfort now, as the room sat empty. The atmosphere was as dead as she felt within. Knees threatened to buckle and her body leaned against the door frame to secure vertical posture. Just as suddenly as her strength fled, her spine went ramrod straight. The interior lights brightened fractionally at first, then increased wattage slowly. The chill was fading into a welcoming warmth. And then the reason came into view.

Immaculate suit, uncooperative brown hair, intense gaze. And her heart landed at her feet at the sight. He was so very beautiful, albeit in an uncommon way. He must not have sensed her, his focus remaining on the component in his hand. Which made her wonder if she was real. Or if he was? Forcing her limbs to stay still, she took in his every motion with new appreciation; reaching out to program his ship with gentle affection, easily lifting the heavy floor grate to expose the Tardis' underbelly, dropping effortlessly into the hole to install the module, letting the blue glow of the sonic screwdriver cast angles on his features. Emotions assailed her, the love and the loss combining to put her feet in motion. He had no sooner emerged from the hole than she launched herself into his arms.

"Rose?" he whispered after a moment, clearly surprised by her desperate embrace.

She'd heard him whisper her name similarly in the dreams he used to lure her to Bad Wolf Bay. The recollection brought on a fresh wave of tears and she could only cling tighter. For another long moment the Doctor simply held her while she emptied her tear ducts thoroughly. He then slowly steered her to the bench, detangling himself from her arms and guiding her down. Kneeling before her, he looked at her with such deep concern that she nearly confessed every secret in her heart. But she had to know what was real. And then cold fear struck her hard. If the events had been a dream, what if they were prophetic? Never had she had a vision of the future but she'd read somewhere that travel with the Doctor left no one untouched. Events could be unfolding at home right now. But that was secondary. The Doctor mustn't know. If she told him, he might think it possible and feel the responsibility to set things right. Which could lead to the fulfilling of her nightmare. They'd be torn apart. He'd be alone and she'd never recover. He watched her patiently as she worked through these thoughts. How could she know what to do? Wasn't she just a shop girl for the Estates?

"Tell me?" He requested so gently and then she knew. She had to test him.

Taking a swipe at her eyes, Rose forced herself to speak. "I…I had a dream." Deep breath. "About Norway."

His brows furrowed as he shook his head. "I don't understand."

And she smiled her relief. A dream, prophetic or not, was not going to hurt them. "Good," she said before she could catch her tongue.

Leaning forward, her hands tangled in his hair and she pulled him closer. Despite his confusion, he did not resist her urging. Even when her lips brushed his, he failed to protest as she'd imagined he would. Pulling back, he studied her eyes in silent concern. Her motive may have been unclear, but he seemed to know she needed to connection and willingly gave it to her. But she needed more. Tossing caution to the stars, Rose drew him near again, her tongue seeking and receiving entry. Immediately every nerve ending fired sparks of desire at this new intimacy. Dear God, why had she waited? His talented tongue coaxed hers while his hands found her hips, as though grounding himself. Body thoroughly on fire, Rose moaned her passion against him which in turn enflamed him further. His fingers kneaded the flesh of her hips as she nipped his bottom lip. She dove deeper, bringing him with her into this new place, which the Tardis chose to highlight in dark oranges. Not that she gave the ship's subtle message much thought as the Doctor explored her mouth as though mapping it. God, she needed only this to live.

An eternity before she was ready, the Doctor apparently remembered that they didn't do this and pulled away again. A new cast in his eyes greeted her; desire. And the knowledge that she'd put it there sent a keening arousal to her center. But it was soon tempered by the emotion that replaced it; hesitance.

"We can't." The regret in his voice was not missed, but the reproach was firm nonetheless.

"We did," she reminded him gently, her smile meant to head off any argument.

"I need to…set a course." He rose and stepped away.

The tactic was all too familiar, uncomfortable as he was with moments of intimate honesty. The distance he put between them extended beyond his move to the console, but she didn't call him on it. There was no point in pushing him and too much ground could be lost. And at least he wasn't babbling, though during the dream, she'd have given every fake blond strand to hear it. Still, she had every intention of kissing him again when the time was right. She steeled her resolve to keep the dream from him and stood on steadier legs to move just behind him. Limbs ached to wrap around him, but she commanded them to stillness. Despite the heat of their kiss, there was no guarantee that her touch was so easily welcomed.

"Where are we off to?" The casual tone was forced and not entirely believable.

He kept his attention on the controls, mumbling over his shoulder, "Earth, I should think."

Casual dropped to the floor, replaced by barely concealed panic. "No. No, somewhere else." The words were rushed and the Doctor turned to her, head tilted in interest.

"Don't you fancy a bit of a pop to your mum's? Not that I fancy being slapped or mocked, but…" Under his scrutiny, her anxiety hit new heights and he misread the cause. "I'm not leaving you behind." The assurance was spoken so softly, her tears seemed a natural consequence.

She'd be the one leaving, of course. Rather than explain, she opted to let him believe the assumption. "After that black hole thing, I just…don't want mum to see how upset the trip made me. You know, mother's intuition and all."

He nodded. "S'that what the dream was about?"

God, she hated lying to him. "Yeah." Her hand found its way to his. "Can we just…go somewhere peaceful? Just us?" Please say yes. Please say yes.

"Alright." Never releasing her hand, he returned to the controls, fiddling with a few switches with surety. Must have a place in mind, she decided. Anywhere devoid of Torchwood was fine with her. "Try to sleep a little more before we land." It was a tender command but she found it hard to comply. Realizing after a moment that she was still behind him, the Doctor turned back. "Rose?"

Feeling entirely silly, like a little girl really, Rose stared at her bare feet. She didn't want to sleep, only to wake up in her dad's house…without him. So she drew upon the black hole excuse once more.

"Don't laugh, yeah? But I'd rather keep you in sight, ya know?"

To his credit, he found no amusement in her childishness. "Nothing can happen on the Tardis, Rose. I won't let it."

"I know. Humor me?"

The words had barely escaped her lips when she felt the atmosphere shift. The Tardis took on the mood of its master, she knew, as evidenced by the harsher light creeping around them. The Doctor stepped closer, fixing his gaze on her. Their height difference never effected a moment as it did now, with him looking down on her almost sternly. She cringed inside, not sure what was coming but fearing the worst. Did he know she was lying?

"What aren't you telling me?"

Yup, he knew. Damn, she should have known she lacked the skill to fool a being hundreds of years older than her. Even realizing the ridiculousness of it, she pushed on in her lies.

"Nothing."

"Rose, you kissed me like your life depended on it." She blushed at that, but he wasn't done. "Does it?"

Come on brain, she yelled to herself. Dig up a convincing story or at least alter the truth to fit the day. "It's just that…When you were gone… when I didn't know if you were alive, I felt… dead." The admission hurt him; she could see it in his eyes, which no longer met hers. The unkind lighting soothed into a milder shade as the interior signaled his reticence.

"I'm sorry."

The similarities of the two situations was a convenience, and she could have stopped there. Her tongue wasn't listening though. "I know you had to…leave me. But I thought I'd never see you again." Ah, the return of tears. Nice touch. "Do you know what that did to me?"

He took a deep breath before answering. "I had faith in you. I trusted you'd find a way out."

"What good would it have done me if you were killed?" Wait, where was this anger coming from? Oh yes, from him leaving her too many times. Be it for Reinette or the whole of the earth, it hurt all the same. _I see it now. You just leave us behind_, she'd once accused him.

"I had no choice." His defense was wearing thin and she suspected he knew it too.

Before a fight erupted, Rose took the calmer road. "I know you have the responsibility of the universe on your shoulders. But I just wish you would…I don't know, choose to do for yourself sometimes, rather than sacrifice for everyone else."

The tension that had settled around him dissipated marginally. But a hint of frustration lingered, as though this were something he'd heard a million times and never heeded. "I don't have that luxury. I told you, I have to keep going."

_Alone_, her mind finished for him. Her hand rose to his face, willing the remaining apprehension away by touch. "Sometimes you have to stop to keep going."

"What fortune cookie'd you rip that out of?" He grinned even as his hand covered hers, bringing it down from his skin. But he didn't release it. The seriousness returned to his features. "I don't know how to stop, Rose. I never have."

"Let me show you. Wherever you're sending us, let's make it a stop, yeah?"

To punctuate her statement, Rose leaned up and cut off any refusal he might have considered by otherwise occupying his mouth. The ease with which they fell back into the kiss told her they could never again return to platonic cohabitation. Before things got out of hand, however, the Doctor broke away and rested his forehead on hers.

"Somehow, I doubt this is what you meant by 'stopping.'"

But it cleansed her mind, kissing him. And her mind was well aware that while avoiding Earth may keep them together, The events of her dream could in fact happen anyway. And her mother would pay the price for her choice. But as she stepped back to let him chart a course, she knew that now, as in the dream, she was making the only choice she could. She'd made that choice a long time ago, she'd told him. And she wouldn't wait until it was too late to tell him.

He didn't attempt to leave her sight that day, which allowed for a few more tentative kisses. Each innocent touch eased the fear of what her decision could mean for the Earth. Each moment chipped away at the memory of the dream, time and distance making it less real. But standing on the metal grating of her flying home, Rose Tyler prayed for her mother at every waking moment.


End file.
